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Movie Review | 'The Covenant'
What’s the 411 on Those Witch Guys?
- The Covenant
- Directed by Renny Harlin
- Action, Fantasy, Horror, Thriller
- PG-13
- 1h 37m
“Hey, what’s up? I tried calling you last night.”
“I know. I was at a movie.”
“What’d you see?”
“ ‘The Covenant.’ ”
“What’s that again?”
“It’s that movie about these guys who are witches, and they go to this creepy school, and there’s this new kid — Sebastian Stan — who’s, like, the bad witch, and they fight and stuff. It’s super lame.”
“Are they cute at least?”
“Totally. The main guy, Caleb — Steven Strait — has, like, these big lips and sexy eyes, and he drives a Mustang, and everything. And he’s friends with this crazy, like, blond dude, who looks kind of gay, and this motorcycle guy with long hair and some other guy. Actually, the whole thing is kind of gay. I mean, they’re on the swim team, right? And there’s this scene where they’re all in Speedos and everything.”
“Awesome. I think I saw the commercial. That’s the one with a car that explodes and gets put back together by magic, right?”
“Yeah, that’s pretty much the coolest part. The effects are super cheesy. Like at the end, when Caleb is fighting the evil transfer student, they fly around a barn and throw magic Jell-O at each other. I’m totally serious.”
“Is it scary, at least?”
“There’s this one part, where these spiders crawl all over this girl and go in her nose and stuff.”
“Ew.”
“Super ew.”
“The Covenant’’ is rated PG-13 (Parents strongly cautioned). The film is violently banal.
THE COVENANT
Opened yesterday nationwide.
Directed by Renny Harlin; written by J. S. Cardone; director of photography, Pierre Gill; edited by Nicolas de Toth; music by tomandandy; production designer, Anne Pritchard; produced by Tom Rosenberg and Gary Lucchesi; released by Screen Gems. Running time: 97 minutes.
WITH: Steven Strait (Caleb Danvers), Sebastian Stan (Chase Collins), Laura Ramsey (Sarah Wenham), Taylor Kitsch (Pogue Parry), Toby Hemingway (Reid Garwin), Jessica Lucas (Kate Tunney), Chace Crawford (Tyler Sims) and Wendy Crewson (Evelyn Danvers).
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